With the Mouth She Kisses My Kids

From the movie Analyze This (Robert De Niro as a mob boss Paul Vitti and Billy Crystal as a psychiatrist, Ben Sobel)

Dr. Sobel: What happened with your wife last night?

Paul Vitti: I wasn’t with my wife, I was with my girlfriend.

Dr. Sobel: Are you having marriage problems?

Paul Vitti: No.

Dr. Sobel: Then why do you have a girlfriend?

Paul Vitti: What, are you gonna start moralizing on me?

Dr. Sobel: No, I’m not, I’m just trying to understand, why do you have a girlfriend?

Paul Vitti: I do things with her I can’t do with my wife.

Dr. Sobel: Why can’t you do them with your wife?

Paul Vitti: Hey! That’s the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy?

I wanted to add the clip for a better understanding but I couldn’t isolate the clip of this scene. I’ve just added the dialog.

Think about that in light of the events of this week. The situation is not a joke.

Stay tuned for my next post to see why it matters.

There is no magic to forgive and forget

I read another sad post the other day about relationships and the conundrum/riddle of forgive and forget. I believe one can forgive someone for hurting us and continue life without resentment or hold a grudge toward that person. Without going to any textbook explanation, but rather based on pure personal observation, I believe that not forgetting what has hurt us, is merely an instinct for survival. We need to remember danger to learn to avoid it.

My dog hates medicine for her ears, it fizzles in her ear as it goes down. It has been years since she’s had an infection, but if she hears me shaking a bottle with liquid, she stands by the stairs waiting to see if I am going to come after her. If she sees me taking a step in her direction, she runs up the stairs and under my bed. If I give her a piece of cheese or meat, she will smell it first to make sure there isn’t medicine in it. She had a treat in her mouth once, tasted the medicine, promptly spit it out and ran up the stairs and under my bed. I also have a seven-year-old niece that has severe allergies that sometimes cause anything from severe swelling to seizures. From about age three and a half; she understood that some foods make her feel very sick. Before she orders at a restaurant or any new environment she will say: “I have allergies, does this have…” It is truly a matter of survival for her.

While the breakdown of the relationship can refer to romantic partners, parent-child, siblings or best friends, the premise is the same. One person hurt another, and a trust was broken. Does it really matter why? I believe that to expect a person to forget is selfish and would appear that your wishes, personal need to feel better or comfortable with the situation, are more important than the other person’s healing process.

I often hear “I apologized and promised not to do it again. I’m trying to make it up to him. What more does she want? Why does she/he keep bringing it up? ” News flash, It’s not about you; it’s their healing process. They want to be OK. They want to stop hurting, to heal, and be able to trust again. You can’t speed it up, and you can’t make it better. The process needs to come from within the person. If you are honestly doing all you can do, keep doing it and wait it out. There is no quick fix or magic potion. Sometimes on the other side healing, that person may decide they are OK, but they don’t want or can’t be OK with you, and you will need to accept that.

We are all selfish to a degree. I like the analogy that we are all protagonist in our very own movie. We all wish life was perfect; that the sun would shine brightly every day and that it rains only on our flower beds. No one wants to feel pain, and we all wish that our happiness is all that mattered to anyone we encounter. Even the most loving, giving person hopes that someday, out of the blue, someone would do something special for them in appreciation.

I believe time does heal but doesn’t mean things go back to the way they were. When a broken bone heals, there are signs that healing took place. When something is mended, the repair makes it stronger; but sometimes it continues to be weak in that area. Some people do manage to find that special place again but it takes work, and it takes time to rebuild that trust and with it to restore that loving feeling.

I used to hate it when my friend would say “It is what it is. There is no magic.” One year I gave her ruby-red slippers and a magic wand from the costume store with a note that said “BELIEVE” written in fairy dust sprinkle. I still believe in the supernatural power of love but sometimes, it is what it is, and there IS no magic wand.

First Critique Group

If you’ve read my posts before, you may remember that I started taking writing seriously in March 2018. I’ve been working on my craft just about every day. If I’m not posting here, I’m reviewing and editing or digging deeper to get to the real story. I recently joined a local writer’s association and today I had my first meeting with a critique group that meets once a month. This particular group regularly has five to six members attending, which is nice to allow everyone a chance to voice their opinions.

As it happens the group just started changing the format and the focus is on flash fiction. That suits me fine because I tend to be wordy. I can use the help. I like to give as much detail as possible to that a person can get the full effect and feel as if they are sharing in the experience.

This week’s topic was to write about an embarrassing moment and the lesson learned. We were to bring six copies for folks to read along. Of course, on my first day, I left the folder with my copies on the kitchen counter as I headed out the door. I’ve Emailed to the group and I’m including my entry below. Let me know what you think.

Critique Group: Embarrassing Moment

In the year before my retirement, “Knee Deep” by The Zac Brown Band was my theme song. That last winter, as I ran away from a New England blizzard, I prayed that tune would carry me through my golden years. I packed a truck, drove south and arrived at my daughter’s doorstep in Florida. My ultimate goal, was for “the only worry in the world” to be “Is the tide gonna reach my chair?” That plan gets complicated in the middle of the Sunshine State, and in a few months I packed another truck and drove further south.

Shortly after arriving in Aguas Claras, Florida, I realized that early retirement is not all it’s cracked up to be. My permanent vacation would have to wait. I became a Realtor, and after a few months, a busy team hired me as an assistant. A significant part of his business was at least thirty minutes away, but I agreed to take the job. It was a no-brainer. It was a great opportunity, and with my handy GPS, I already felt I conquered the South. I became familiar with the new area; clients were starting to refer their friends, I was on my way.

One day, I took a particularly chatty group of snowbirds to search for a piece of paradise that would fit their budget. They brought friends for second opinions, and half the contingency followed my car in caravan style. The first couple of houses were in the general vicinity where our team regularly conducted business, but they wanted to check out condos near the next county to the north. It would be another 15-20 minutes away, no problem. I had taken clients before. I knew how to get there.

We visited a couple of units on the other side of town, and when we finished there, the passengers in the other car needed to stop for gas. While waiting, I remembered that the route I found the last time was not the best to showcase the community. It was Old Florida, but not the charming, sweet-tea–on-the-veranda scenes from the brochures. There were old houses that needed maintenance and broken down cars or tractors were the lawn ornaments out front. I wanted to reprogram my GPS to avoid that route. All I needed to do was go back to the main road and not take the first right. The GPS would automatically “recalculate” and we would be all set.

For some reason, as we drove away from the gas station, I turned West instead of East, and it was downhill from there. The traffic had picked up by now, and I lost my bearings. I drove a little further to where I thought there was a road that would connect to back, but the GPS kept yelling at me to make a U-turn. There were “NO U-TURN” signs posted all along that road. I was flustered, I could feel my face burning, but I kept going following new the directions on the GPS.

I kept driving hoping the GPS was going to turn to the main road that ran parallel, but the GPS has a mind of its own, and it didn’t. The caravan kept heading north, which was fine but instead of moving toward the East, the road curved out toward the West. We drove through what could have been a picturesque fishing town with water from the bayous overstepping their boundaries and reaching the edge of the road. It wasn’t.

After a while, we reached the State Road where I could finally turn east and get to the condo community. When we got there, and as soon as the passengers in the other car got out I was reprimanded for taking a long way around. A drive that should have taken 15 mins took 45. I played it off as if I was showing my out-of-town clients the scenic route, but no one was amused. Needless to say, they didn’t buy anything, and I never heard from them again.

Lesson Learned: Don’t trust the GPS and map out your destination the old-fashioned way if you have no idea where you are going.

Five Security Tips for Writers | Florida Writers Association

Found these tips today thought they can be of use to someone. This day an age it’s good to be aware of these things.

https://floridawriters.net/five-security-tips-for-writers/

In Remembrance

I heard the broadcasts this morning, “It’s been seventeen years.” Each year as September 11 approaches we are called to remember the day when the unthinkable happened. We will remember exactly where we were and what we were doing the moment we first heard the news that our great and powerful nation was attacked on our soil. That day in New York City there were no Republicans, no Democrats, no white, black, brown, yellow, or purple. There were Americans fighting to survive together. We are called to remember as one nation “indivisible with liberty and justice for all.” Let us remember, let us never forget that all that we hold so dear can be gone in the blink of an eye.

For the first responders and families who lost a loved one, the remembrance has been 17 years. Each day they wake up without a mom or a dad, son, brother, sister, wife. They may wake up with a scar, an illness from the fallen debris or ash-filled air. All I have left is to pray for their continued peace and strength as I promise never to forget and tell the stories to the next generation.

Let us not forget, let us not take our freedoms for granted. We are not perfect as a nation, but it is possible to make it work.

Just Friends, For all Time

Alondra Elena Delopas sat on a swivel chair in her lanai listening to the rain as the winds picked up and thunder clapped in the distance. Baby Girl lay with her legs sprawled but her nose pressed against the screen. She struggled to see what was moving in the conservation land that bordered the small condo-villa community where they lived. If Baby Girl saw something coming closer, she jumped and whimpered excitedly thinking she would get a chance to run out to chase after it.

Can’t Turn Back Time

Alondra or “Lonnie,” as close friends and family called her, was having a rough week. Today, clients canceled the only two appointments she had scheduled. They didn’t want to look at houses in a storm; maybe they just weren’t ready. It’s happened before. She usually found listening to the rain soothing, but today, the stormy tropical weather didn’t help her mood. She felt tired, cold and lonely. She went back inside to read but couldn’t wrap her head around on another “kick your business into high gear” self-help book. She turned to the mindlessness of surfing the net on her phone where she found the same stories, memes, and jokes all over again.

One story caught her eye. It was another of those stories where old friends from high school find each other and decide to spend the rest of their days making up for lost time. All of it made possible through the magic of social media. The funny thing is that she recently had been thinking about her friend Bobby from high school. They had been in school together since seventh grade. She’d adored him during high school and college but never in a romantic way. Outside of school, they were part of the same social group from church, and they worked at the same summer jobs. Bobby and Lonnie enjoyed a lot of the same things, and she liked hanging out with him. He was smart, witty, and amusing; they could talk for hours even when everyone else had gone. Bobby had introduced Lonnie to her boyfriend Harry, and he started dating Bernice.

Many years later a co-worker told her that it was impossible for men and woman to be “just friends.” She had started to argue the point by bringing up her friendship with Bobby, but before she opened her mouth, saw a memory flash before her. It was a crisp autumn day in Upstate New York when Bobby’s parents invited her to drive with them when he returned to the State College after the break.

Trip Back to School

It was a two-hour ride, and his parents had made plans to stop at their friend’s house for lunch along the way. Afterward, while they waited for his parents to finish their visit, Bobby and Lonnie went for a walk in the wooded land behind the house. They chatted talked and laughed like so many times before, but in some way, Alondra sensed that it was not a day like every other. At times she could be intuitive and sensitive to subtle changes in her surroundings. There seemed to be something in the air made her feel obligated to comment that it was too bad that Bernice could not come along. She believed Bernice would have enjoyed the beautiful landscape dressed for the fall. Bobby quietly agreed, and they walked on.

They stopped on a small wooden bridge as they crossed over the swollen creek. A burst of cold air made Alondra regret that she had left her jacket back at the house. Bobby stepped closer and put his arm timidly around her shoulder. She felt his face so close to hers, and then as he gently turned her toward him, she felt his soft lips lightly brush hers. Her immediate impulse was to push him away. “What are you doing?” she reprimanded. The hurt in his loving eyes pierced her heart, and she took his face in her hands and looked tenderly into his gentle mismatched eyes, one blue, and one hazel. She told him she was crazy about him, how could she not; he was her dearest friend, but they couldn’t do this to Bernice. Bobby nodded in agreement, and they started to walk back to the house in silence.

Awkward quiet moments always made Alondra respond with humor. She elbowed Bobby in the ribs now and said jokingly that the bridge must have been bewitched because she had felt something strange too. He sheepishly chuckled and added that without a doubt the setting was perfect for a romantic moment. “What were we thinking? “ They said in unison, which caused them to laugh again and end the uncomfortable moment. When they got back, his parents were ready to continue the trip. At his dorm, they said their goodbyes as old friends do. They promised to stay in touch and would see each other when he got back at his next school break. And so it was until she left the state. Their friendship survived.

That’s What Friends are For

Alondra never told Bobby of her conversation with Bernice several weeks prior. Bernice told Alondra that she was feeling insecure about her relationship with Bobby. She confessed that she wondered if Bobby, by spending so much time alone with Lonnie was feeling an attraction beyond friendship. “You know, you are cute, petite and always dressed nice. Maybe…” the words were left hanging in the air. Alondra looked at her friend as if with disbelief. First of all, Alondra considered herself too short and was often frustrated with her thick and wavy brown hair. Although she filled her clothes in all the right places, they were just hand-me-downs from her older cousin which she had adapted with accessories and trims from the five and dime so that they looked more age appropriate.

Bernice had powder blue eyes and baby fine blond hair that she always wore straight down as was the norm among their group. She was tall and lanky; sometimes it seemed that she was still getting used to her young-adult body. Alondra found the whole idea absurd and pooh-poohed Bernice’s fears. Although she and Bobby never spoke of such things, Alondra reassured Bernice that Bobby loved her; that he was just a supportive friend who didn’t want Lonnie to deal with her recent break-up alone.

On her way home from State College with Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Alondra played that conversation over in her head. She didn’t see it coming but did Bernice know anything before. The incident was never spoken of again by anyone.

Not that Person

Alondra didn’t know if it was the rough week that just past combined with the dreary, stormy weather that made her feel vulnerable enough to want to reach out to her old friend. She had to admit that after that day in the woods, the “what if” would haunt her now and then. Lonnie got a cup of tea and found herself searching Facebook profiles for Robert James Smith from Brooklyn, NY. She quickly became overwhelmed by the number of profiles with the same name all over the world. She scolded herself and gave up the search. “This is ridiculous. I will not be that person.”

Alondra Elena Delopas was not one to let a life lesson slip by. Her life experiences had taught her that. She remembered from somewhere a suggestion that moments stay in our memories so that we could retrieve their message when we need them. She was sure these vivid memories of her friendship with Bobby came back to her so vividly for a reason now. Maybe, she thought, it was merely to confirm that Karma is a b!+@h. “Hum,” she thought. “so this is what it feels like?”

Another verifiable cliché

Indeed the story seems familiar, almost too fresh in her memory. It seemed played out in reverse with older actors. As she considered the analogy, she realized that her friend Nan was right when she paraphrased Gabriel Garcia Marquez. “Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have to give.” Remembering her platonic love for Bobby helped her understand what confused her for years. Remembering her relationship with Bobby was the missing piece of the puzzle. As she accepted this truth, she let go of the pain and hurt. She became aware that there was nothing to forgive. At that moment, she chose to remember the good times, the adventures, even the caring and affection.

Alondra Elena Delopas realized that she had been more fortunate than most. Love is meant to be shared, offered expecting nothing in return. She had shared something special and given her love more than once. Each time in a different way, with a different purpose and intensity but authentic, it was a true love. No one could say differently.

She added another verifiable cliché to her list: “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. “

A couple of years later she felt that restlessness to try to find Bobby again. For the sake of their friendship, she wanted to connect to see how his life had turned out. She found him and wrote a letter that she never sent.

Read it at this link from a previous post. https://rosalind.life/2018/05/28/the-letter-i-never-wrote/

#shapingyourstory #DigDeeper

Oh coffee, dear coffee

Friday RDP: Coffee

I like to say I’m a social drinker when it comes to coffee. My favorite is espresso, and I have such weakness for its aroma. The taste must not be bitter or harsh as it goes down the throat and lands warm in one’s belly. It’s not unlike a fine brandy that goes down smooth and velvety but then can burn a hole in your stomach when

it hits bottom.

Lately, tea sits better in my stomach. Black English tea with oatmeal cakes for breakfast is part of my morning ritual and green tea infused with fruits for during the day. Sometimes, an herbal tea gets me through the night. When I’m visiting with a coffee drinker, however, I can’t resist the smell, the heavenly fragrance of a good cup of coffee; the intoxicating aroma of espresso does make me a bit tipsy, and I struggle with the temptation knowing I will regret it later.

Although you can get a great coffee smell and of course good coffee from the single cup pods, I prefer an authentic espresso maker. To be clear, I’m not talking about the big digitalized models that take up half one’s counter space; I’m speaking of a small pot on the stove top. It brews coffee by passing boiling water pressurized by steam through ground coffee. I’ve concluded, that the secret to both good tea and coffee is in the boiling water – a hot running boil. Sometimes if I’m feeling really daring, I will have my espresso with milk, steamed and made foamy with a handheld frother. I know I’m going to lie awake thinking about it tonight, then I can say “ I couldn’t sleep last night because of the coffee.”

Seriously though, besides the physical pleasure from the coffee, I also have an emotional attachment. I don’t have to taste the coffee to feel I’m at my mother’s or grandmother’s kitchen table feeling safe and loved. When we were young, we would have a cup of hot milk with a couple of drops of coffee. We felt so grown up when we were able to participate in having a “café con leche” with the elders.

Many years later when I lived alone in an apartment building in an old mill city in New England, there lived an older gentleman at the end of the hall near the exit door. Every morning as I set out to go to work, I would be assaulted with the smell of freshly brewed espresso. I knew he was making it like my grandmother and I was often tempted to knock on the door and invite myself in. He didn’t seem like a friendly fellow; I wonder what would have happened if we were to share a cup of coffee and a piece of warm homemade bread with real butter. What stories would he have to tell? What stories would we have in common?

What’s your relationship with coffee? Is it just a way to make it through the day? Does the smell of coffee connect you with a memory of a loved one? An old friend perhaps?

My first week at #RagTag Daily Prompt. #coffee

This was fun! Is the format OK? Not sure about pingbacks.

Just Do It! Dream Crazy.

Believe in something, even if it means sacrificing everything. #JustDoIt

A few months ago I wrote a post about Freedom of Speech which included Roseanne Barr, Samantha Bee and of course a section on Collin Kaepernick. In light of Nike choosing to work with Kaepernick for their 30th-anniversary campaign, and people burning their sneakers or cutting up their clothes, I felt the need to speak my mind about the way I see it – well because that’s what I do. You’ve been warned! (previously mentioned post can be found at the end of this one)

How much “sacrifice” is enough?

Let me start by saying that I support our Military and veterans. I believe our veterans and their families make the ultimate sacrifice for our freedoms. Not just freedom for a handful of power-hungry individuals, for but for all Americans. I will add that it’s a shame that the money generated by owners of professional sports franchises and professional athletes themselves is obscene compared to what “benefits” our active duty military and veterans get. I believe that one does not “honor” our country, our Republic by honoring a piece of cloth waving on a stick. We honor our country by honoring its people – all of our people, all the colors, shapes, sizes and abilities. The dreams of our people have made us a great nation. We celebrate strength and persistence in our people. I believe that is the message of the Nike campaign.

Let me follow that by saying, just to be clear; I do not purchase Nike products. Not now, or as long as I can remember. They don’t suit me. The shoes are too confining, the shirts and pants geared to more athletic types, which I am not. It’s a personal choice to be comfortable especially when I’m paying my hard earned money for a product.

Having said that, I have to admit that Nike has excellent marketing and a catchy slogan. I’ve used it myself when I’ve been obsessing about something I want to take on; for example, a new job, a major move to a new city or merely to get back on the treadmill and be more mindful of my food choices. Usually, it happens that after weighing all the pros and cons, sleeping on it, consulting each and every one of my friends and family, I get up one morning and after I’ve brushed my teeth, I stare at the mirror and say sternly to myself “JUST DO IT!” Suddenly I’m all pumped up and feel strong and confident like an Olympic athlete. Actually, that’s how I started blogging one day.

I want to share the full commercial that Nike is putting out as part of this controversial campaign. I find it pretty neat. It’s bigger than Collin Kaepernick, and it’s bigger than DJT. https://youtu.be/Fq2CvmgoO7I

Over the past couple of days, the networks and all kinds of social and news media have had lots to say. One of the first conversations I heard was that people took offense to the slogan that suggests that Kaepernick lost everything, but they contend, that Kaepernick had nothing to lose. I don’t know much about the game; the sports reports indicate that he was a second-rate quarterback that had one good season and then was underperforming each year after that. That may be true, but I think sitting on a bench and getting an NFL paycheck is better than being without a job or sponsors even if you did walk away with one-third of your original signed contract. ( ALL these sports guys get paid way too much anyway, but that’s another story.)

I also want to make clear that I am not a football fan, never have been – except maybe in high school because I was crushing on a couple of football players, but the charm wore off quickly as I realized I had more in common with the philosophers and artists. The sport doesn’t hold my interest long enough to understand why all these guys run and pile on each other over and over again. People have tried to explain it but – well let me be frank, I’m just not into it.

I give Kaepernick credit for feeling so strongly about something that he was willing to risk the dream he had worked for since the fourth grade. Maybe he just decided there was something better to wish for, like equality and justice for all. 2016 was a terrible year for high profile police shootings of unarmed African American men. I went back to look at the disturbing footage before I wrote this piece but I will not engage in rehashing the past. I will say that based on my experiences, I can appreciate the fear, the pain and the rage at the loss of life in an undeserving way.

What is the issue?

The other opinion I will share is that I believe the situation became toxic once DJT decided to make it an issue. I watched his “get that SOB off the bench, he’s fired! ” speech in Alabama in 2017 in which he also complained that the game was losing popularity because when the players hit too hard, they get a penalty. When the not so subtle hints didn’t work, he started putting more pressure on the team owners because as he said, “…It will happen…most of them are friends of mine”.

Before NFL team owners started getting pressure from the Administration to discipline, fire or get “control” of their players, it seemed that each team addressed the issue and the players’ right to “free speech” was respected. It was obvious to most that players were not disrespecting the veterans, the military, the country or the flag. They still “worked,” paid their taxes, and obeyed the laws of this country. Some commentators say the uproar over “taking a knee” would have eventually died down. Of course, that didn’t happen. The team owners felt obligated to play the other game and drew up rules to appease the rhetoric. Essentially they said, we don’t care, what you do, just do it where the public doesn’t see you.

Let’s not forget after all, that there are groups that do not salute the flag, for example, the Jehovah’s Witness or the AnaBaptist like the Amish or Mennonite groups.

Jehovah’s Witnesses intend no disrespect for any government or its rulers by a refusal to salute the flag. It is just that they will not, in an act of worship, bow down to or salute an image representing the State. They view it as similar to the stand taken in Bible times by three young Hebrew men who refused to bow down before the statue raised up on the plain of Dura by the Babylonian king Nebuchadnezzar. (Daniel, chapter 3) – From Watchtower Online

and,

“The flag is fine, but we’re the only nation that worships the flag. It’s very heathen. The kingdom we live in, we pledge our allegiance to God, not the flag.” – quote from the PBS film “The Amish.”

All this research today, trying to get to the bottom of this leaves me with questions instead of an answer. If Collin Kaepernick said was on a jet plane, and God spoke to him and told him to kneel before the flag instead of pledging, would it be OK? If it were Tom Brady, the number one quarterback in America, and who decided to take a knee to protest something that he felt strongly about would it be an issue. Maybe a better comparison would be Tim Tebow as another controversial figure and a mediocre quarterback who brought his personal beliefs on the field each time? Is it really just a racial issue? Was it more about saying “there is no problem here.” Does Nike really aspire to inspire to unite?

Any ideas?

https://rosalind.life/2018/06/03/roseanne-samantha-and-free-speech/

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